Beauty As Warfare

For the past 20-plus years, I have had a career in Television/Video Production. Producing, directing, and editing were my whole life. To begin with, this was by design, but eventually, it became the default. The all-consuming nature of Television Producing in the Christian sector, specifically, took its toll. I was exhausted mentally, spiritually, and physically, but, at the time, I could not comprehend how life could be different. This was the career God chose for me. It was what I was trained for. Where I had success and meaningful ministry. I thought it was where God wanted me to be, even if I was unhappy. I was stuck. 

Television Production (even Christian Television) is a volatile profession where lay-offs are guaranteed, and sacrificing your life was expected. I was laid off for the last time in 2017. At this point, I was done. 

Broken. 

Exhausted. 

I couldn’t do it anymore, and I cried out to God. 

To which He replied, “Finally.”

I could feel the Lord nudging me onto a new, wild, adventure, but I had no idea what that looked like. Eventually, He gave me the first step. Move to Nashville. What’s funny is that didn’t even feel hard. I had lived in Dallas/Fort Worth for over 20 years, but God gave me so much grace to leave friends and family and head to Nashville. It was clear. Simple obedience was easy in this instance. So I packed up what I could fit in my car, and with my pup as my co-pilot, drove 10 hours east. 

I knew God was saying this move was the start of, not just a new chapter, but a whole new book in my life. The first book had wrapped and now we were on to volume two of the Belinda Chronicles, a story only He could write. I am so thankful for His patience and His kindness. He is a good Father. 

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

I moved in with a dear friend (Tina) and her family of 7; which included 4 children still at home, 1 dog, 3 cats, 2 goats, and a flock of chickens. With this beautiful crew, I waited on God for my next steps and enjoyed life with a big family. I lived there for about a year while I rested, healed, prayed, and spent quality time with my Mom as she transitioned to her Heavenly home.

One day, out of the blue, Tina asked me to paint her something. Now, my Mom was a beautiful artist. She painted gorgeous oil paintings and Tina had been the recipient of one of these. But I didn't paint. I mean, at least I hadn’t painted since elementary school. 

The conversation went something like this: 

Tine: “Hey, I want you to paint me this.” (Shows me a picture of a beautiful abstract painting.)

Me: “What are you talking about? I don’t paint.”

Tina: “You can totally paint this. Just paint it for me.” 

Me: “What do you even mean?! I’m not a painter.” (Laughing) 

Tina: "I’ll buy the canvas, and I have the paint, just paint it! You can totally do it! We’re going out of town for a week. I’ll just get the stuff, and you can paint it while we're gone.”

Me: (Knowing Tina wasn't gonna give up, I gave in. We all have that bossy friend, right?) “Ok. Fine. I’ll try. Just know I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

They went out of town, and I turned on worship music and just talked to the Lord. I laid the very large canvas on the kitchen table and wrote some words on it because I didn’t know where to start. I eventually started slopping paint on the canvas, periodically waiting for it to dry. I’d worship or watch a little TV, read, or listen to a teaching on YouTube, then come back and do another layer of color. This went on for a few days. When I finally finished, I was flabbergasted. It was beautiful. At least I thought it was beautiful! And it was bliss too. I’d never had so much fun creating anything. I was shocked and filled with joy and more creative energy than I had felt in years. I felt closer to God and closer to being my true self. I was in awe of what God had done through me. It was a BLAST! I thought if I could do just this for the rest of my life, it would be heaven on earth. And then I didn't think about it again for quite a while. 

I remember Tina saying that she hadn’t seen me that full of joy in years. That stuck with me. It wasn't just me. She saw it too. I’d been living in the beige of life, thinking that was all God had for me. I used to wonder if God created me just to work. I even had a pastor confirm that once, saying to me, "Sure, God could be jealous for you. He loves how much you work for Him. And think of all the lives you're impacting through your videos. You have a nice apartment and a nice car, we pay you well, what more do you want?" Even though I knew that was a lie and not God’s character, it cut like a knife and impacted my life for years to come. I was comfortable with abuse. God was not. It took some years for me to feel worthy of receiving more good from Him. My confession was Truth but my heart was bruised and butchered in the name of Kingdom. But my Daddy God took me by the hand and drew me ever closer to Him as He tended to my wounds while stretching my capacity for His Love. I began to wonder, “Would God really give me a gift like this? Could I possibly get to do this art thing in ‘real life’?”

I love how God is so patient and gentle with us, especially when we chose to walk by Faith. He loves it! He is a God of adventure and risk! What a joy to be invited into an adventure with Him. As I began to trust His gentle nudges, I just took each step He gave me, and He was faithful to do the rest. 

He expanded my dreams for an art business and the capacity to believe for it. He even gave me the name of this art business - Beautifully Belinda. Which in and of itself was a stretch for me. Belinda means beautiful but, for the majority of my life, I have felt anything but beautiful. I have struggled with self-image, body image, and self-loathing since I was very little. The idea that I would call my business Beautifully Belinda was hard. Let’s be honest. My self-talk said things like, “People will think that’s a stupid name. You are NOT beautiful, how can you even call it that. You know, even your name doesn’t describe YOU!” But growing louder in my heart was the words of my Heavenly Father: “I named you on purpose. You are my beautiful daughter. You create beauty. You see beauty. You remind people of My beauty.” And, well, I finally decided to listen to Him rather than the lies, and Beautifully Belinda was created.          

When I finally surrendered to Him, things began to come together. And let me clarify, the surrendering was not a one-time thing. With each step, I found more surrender required. That process will take the rest of my life, I’m sure. Less of me and more of you, Lord Jesus.

As I continued working with Holy Spirit through some of my limiting beliefs surrounding joy and freedom in Christ, a new struggle surfaced. During the Pandemic these thoughts arose: “Does art even matter? Are You sure this is what I should be doing, Lord? It feels meaningless like I’m not adding to the fight. Why does beauty matter? Who cares if I’m over here painting something pretty? Did I miss it? Should I go back to working 60 hours a week? Should I be spending more time in prayer? Should I be doing something more important? Making more money? I had a bad case of the "shoulds".

It was hard. The feelings of unworthiness were strong. The workaholic tendencies were still there. It exposed some pride in my previous job and position that I didn’t even realize was there. Who am I without this big, intense, powerful job? Yikes. After repentance, and more rest, the Lord just kept confirming He wanted me to create. That's when He started teaching me that creating beauty is warfare. 

Whew, this was it. THIS is what He wanted me to know. I knew God was the ultimate Creative. I mean look at the world He created! Nature has always moved me. People and different cultures, feed my soul. Timothy Willard in his book, Chasing Beauty states, " You and I experience beauty through four primary categories: nature, art, the human form, and the everyday charm of life." To experience the beauty that God has given us, we have to be willing to slow down. Have you ever been able to appreciate and take in the majesty of a forest, the intricacies of a flower, or the exquisite beauty of a Monet painting when you're rushing about? Beauty and rest go hand in hand. 

God took me to Genesis and Ecclesiastes and talked to me about how He created with intention, detail, and color! He didn't hold back when He created man and He didn’t hold back when He created the earth and all that is within, for us. In Ecclesiastes 3:11 it says He makes all things beautiful in His time. He spends eternity making things beautiful! Even amid Lucifer's mutiny and subsequent fall and his continual fight to try and make us forget who we are, beautiful flowers bloom, majestic mountains bring us to tears, and jaw-dropping sunrises more beautiful than any painting, rise every day! I mean, just take a minute to think about the sunrises and sunsets that have stopped you in your tracks and then think about how different each one is. Now, think of how many different sunrises there are around the world on any particular day! The God who created all there is, thinks it's important enough to create beauty anew every day morning and evening in every part of the world! Every day a new beautiful sunrise for everyone! Thousands of sunrises around the globe, every day! Ha! I just spent two weeks in Hawaii and each morning I got up to watch the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean. And each day was different and awesomely beautiful. Each day! That's just in Hawaii where I watched it! What about where you live? What about the sunrises in every corner of the world? Glory to God! What a priceless gift. His mercies are new every morning. (Lam 3:22-23) He then brought me to Matthew 6:28 - 29 where He reminded me of the Lilys. Nashville grows amazing lilys so this scripture came so alive to me. He says, even Solomon (the richest man to ever live, with all his opulence and access to the most beautiful fabrics and gemstones) even he cannot compare to the beauty of the lilies that God designed, that live a few days and then whither away. Beauty, simply for beauty's sake. 

In wartime and peace, beauty stays. In sickness and health, beauty remains. Just as rest is warfare, our way of turning away from the devil and his schemes and turning toward God, trusting that He is good, that He has won, and that He is taking care of every detail of our story, art is warfare too. 

Imagine the devil's face as a global pandemic roars, lies abound in politics, media, and medicine, and finances are stretched to the limit, and we, instead of fretting and fearing, turn out faces toward our King and draw Him a picture. As I pick up a paintbrush and partner with my Daddy God to simply create beauty, I know I war against the enemy of our souls. In the midst of darkness, beauty is light. In the midst of chaos, beauty is peace. I will not be moved by what I see or hear, but I will be moved by Him only. Not only is the one True God beautiful, but He is also Beauty itself. He does not live apart from it because He is it. He is not worried about me working harder or pushing myself to do more for Him. Rest is the message of the Bible. For as we rest in Him and His ability to write the best story for each of our lives AND for the world in its entirety, we take our eyes off the evil one and fix them only on Him. It communicates to the devil, "I don't even notice you, I trust my God and King, you mean nothing to me." And communicates to God, "I love You. I’m so rooted and grounded in You, that I just stand here and paint beauty inspired by You, knowing You will take care of the rest." 

The battle belongs to Him, friends. We are to trust. We are to rest. We fight to live in Peace. Shalom, Shalom. Life is good because He is good. Oh, how that must irk the devil! I love it! Beauty is warfare! Art is warfare! Beauty for beauty's sake. God is seated. He is not anxious, nor is he afraid. He sits and admires His beautiful creation. And He loves it when His children create for Him. 

I've heard it said that beauty gives the eyes a place to rest. Ponder that for a moment. God infused beauty/creation with the power of beauty to move us, heal us, to revive us. He gave us a world filled with countless varieties and colors of flowers and sunsets, mountains, and oceans. On top of that, He filled the world with countless humans with different gifts and unique abilities to create even more beauty! It is endless as He is endless. Endless beauty, just for the sake of beauty. 

On that same trip home to Hawaii, I was mesmerized by how many different greens there are. He must have created hundreds, even thousands, of varieties of the color green! And it was all breathtaking. What if we all slowed down enough to notice His creation? Not just in nature but in our fellow man, all created in His image. I think that's where the "magic" lies. Meaning, the hidden secrets of our King, the hidden way of peace. As we practice noticing the beauty that surrounds us, in nature, in our brothers and sisters, in the life we create, and in the art that moves us, our eyes can rest. 

Despite what the world wants to throw at us, our magnificent Creator invites us to stop and smell the roses. Stop to soak in a beautiful painting. Wake up early to witness the sunrise. Smile at a stranger. Play with a child. Make something with your hands. Worship the Savior in freedom and truth. And every time our eyes rest on something beautiful, we are reminded, even if only subconsciously, of our beautiful Creator and His glorious creation and we can stand another day.  🌺